Friday, July 29, 2005

Book 4, Chapter 13, Doggerel 22

Dancing figures
Don the night
Demarcating domains
Through their dance

Momentary movements
Mix and match
Making meaning
Out of nothing

Vixens weave
Vivid versions
Vague and vast
Like vineyards


32 comments:

Ubermensch said...

nice alliteration and rhythm.

Paul said...

Even though the last stanza is the most obscure, to me it somehow makes the most "sense" and seems to broaden the poem's meaning.

iamnasra said...

I really love the way you write this presents a mystrey..that need to uncover the riddle

irina said...

indeed, it seems that the tango of the alliteration and rhythm comes to confirm the meaning of the words... the dance, the movement, the... vineyard...

luz de la luna said...

I notice we write in quite a similar way :)

As said, nice rhythem! :-)

- Martin

. : A : . said...

Ubermensch, iamnasra, irina, luz de la luna - Thanks!

Paul - Interesting thought. I had a similar feeling.

transience said...

i am so in love with alliteration. they are little songs that play in my head. adored this, a.

Anonymous Poet said...

Great, fluid sensuality. As usual.

I love the lines: "making meaning out of nothing." Isn't that the essence of dance? Or any other art form for that matter?

"Vague and Vast like vineyards" is also wonderfully evocative.

I love the alliteration throughout this piece. The Ds in the first stanza, the Ms in the second, and the Vs in the third. It makes this piece fun to read.

However, I wonder if you might want to substitute another word for "dance" on the last line of the first stanza. It just hits me as a little duplicative with "dancers." Perhaps "gestures" might mix it up a bit. (You could also use "movement," but you have already included that once.)

This is just a minor comment. And you are certainly entitled to disagree with it. But I just thought I would give you a little feedback as a reader.

Also, can you explain the title to us? Unless it is just so obvious and I am missing something.

gulnaz said...

wow, this is so sweet! love the flirty, teasing shadows in this. :)
difficult to choose my favourite parts of a night so fluid. the alliterations play upon the song like quality of the experience.

. : A : . said...

transience - I too am a big fan of alliteration. Glad you liked this one.

Anonymous Poet - "making meaning out of nothing" is the essence of dance. You have spotted it well. Thanks for the comment on the word "dance". It could be duplicative with "dancers" but I felt given the context, there seemed to be room for a difference here. The title is not so obvious, and I don't want to spoil it for the others. I can give you a clue though - it's all in the numbers!

gulnaz - Thanks. You have an interesting perspective on this.

paddy said...

lost with passion, loosing the consciousness of being.

jaded said...

nice and flirty play with words.....

specially liked the dancing figures and vixens weave... part...

nicely done

Potted-flower said...

the first verse is kind of... scary. Disturbing, but poetic. Very poetic.

Geetanjali said...

Interesting alliterative poem - it adds so much to the rhythm of the poem and it's magical yet dark feel. Think the last stanza is the most evocative, as mentioned by some others. Did have a question though. Am not sure I understood what you meant by "Demarcating Domains"...

Anne said...

Still enjoying your blog very much!

atomicvelvetsigh said...

i like the pattern and way you used the words. and i do not find this scarry tho, actually, there's kinda sensuality in it. <- that is, just my interpretation. 8)

gulnaz said...

i liked the title too!!
:))

jawaher said...

hi ..u hane nice blog and im sure i will be one of ur readers ....

The Arbit Council said...

gotta be honest: sorry, can't read much into the poem

. : A : . said...

paddy, jaded, Anne, atomicvelvetsigh, gulnaz - Thanks.

Potted-flower - I actually didn't think of it as scary when I wrote it but quite a few people have thought so. Interesting.

Geetanjali - The literal thing I was thinking of when I wrote it was something like dancers marking out their territory through their dance. What did you think?

jawaher - Welcome!

The Arbit Council - Nothing to be sorry about. Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

_Soulless_ said...

I do find the first stanza deliciously sensual. Mmm-hmm. ^_^ The line "demarcating domains" makes me think of dancers who are, at the same time, lovers. Heehee. They "don the night" (ahh, I adore that phrase!) and with rhythmic movements, each becomes the other's... even for just a while. (a tinge of territoriality, eh?)

^_^

Billy said...

go go go. flow and slide

mermaid said...

The last stanza made me think of two shadows , like ivy, intertwined at some points, and growing away from each other at others, like the dance of relationships.

Wonderful.

venus said...

I am glad to have met good talents here, and you are one of them. a few orderly words into stanza and what a beautiful piece! Keep your creativity up!

J said...

Momentary movements
Mix and match
Making meaning
Out of nothing


Love this part. And I'm a big fan of aliterations too.

finnegan said...

Alliterating with the letters DMV, which in California stands for: "Department of Motor Vehicles".

An curious connection here I realize, but nonetheless it intrigued me to imaging the middle section like a traffic jam.

. : A : . said...

Soulless, mermaid - Very interesting take. I like!

Billy - Flowing.

venus - Thanks! My pleasure.

J - Thanks!

finnegan - I never even thought of that! :-)

Sudarshan said...

nice play with words.

. : A : . said...

Sudarshan - Thanks.

Erin said...

I love the way you used the alliteration to create the rhythm in this piece. There's definitely a sensuality in this - it led me to think also thatthe dancers were lovers.

Nice work.

Renee Wagemans said...

This is great. Not only in content but in layout too

. : A : . said...

Erin Monahan - Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Look forward to seeing you around.

Poems and Writings - Thanks.