Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Their Little Clichés: Scene 40

After Work

[Indoors. A small study. Camera comes in from the door, as if you are walking into a conversation which is midway. He is sitting at a table near the entrance on His laptop. Camera focuses on Him in a side view. He is listening and typing at the same time. You can hear background noises of the TV set.]

(coming off her narration)
... And then, after I finished work, I went out for a coffee before I came home.


[Camera pans towards Her, sitting on the sofa. Watching TV and talking at the same time.]

(speaking slowly and deliberately)
Did you even listen to what I said?

(immediately replying)
Of course I did. After you finished work you went out for a coffee and then came home.

[Camera pans out to show us the full room. The TV is on his left and He has His back to Her. As they talk the camera focuses on Her from the back of His head and on Him from the side of the laptop.]

Why can't you leave that laptop and talk to me?

Why can't you turn off the TV when you talk to me?

(mildly irritated)
I knew you would say that. Just as I started asking you to leave the laptop, I knew you were going to say that.

(turns around and smiles at her)
Then why did you say it?

(smiling back)
Because that is how I feel.

And, do you know how I feel?

(raising her eyebrows)
No. Show me.

[Camera focuses on Her. She reaches for the remote, and turns off the TV. Drops the remote on the sofa and starts getting up. Camera moves to the back of His head. He is quickly trying to finish something. He moves his chair back and gets up from the table and turns around to greet her. Soft music starts playing from the laptop as soon as He gets up.]

(taking her hand)
I feel like dancing.

So do I!

[They both dance slowly. Camera pans out from the other side of the room. Camera moves out of the window. They are framed together in their dance right in the center of the window. The music mixes with the traffic and the camera pans out and fades to black.]


Paul said...

August, do you ever think about putting all these scenes together in a kind of story or script?

Samudraa said...


Ram said...

mid-way thru the scene when they are having the rapid exchange, wud you split the screen to show both simultaneously or will it be alternate cuts to him and her ?

i had a hard time running that scene over in my head :)

AmitKen said...

wah kya scene hai

:) i could see it.

manu said...

i really love your sceens. was reading them quite some time. thought i should say i really love them.

Ash said...

Lovely scene .... I'm trying my level-best not to go awwww, but my senti girlie heart can't help doing flip-flops *grin*

Patrix said...

I'll sure will be able to write excellent screenplays. Pls.don't work for Yashraj or Dharma Prod.though.

mermaid said...

I thought I was going to have to recommend a therapist, till I read to the end and discovered they know each other well:)

Phal said...

wow. you weren't kidding when you said cliche, were you?

quite a regular sounding scene innit?

Anne said...

There is something so smug about these characters that it drives me to distraction.
I like the fact that I can really imagine the scene though.

Itineranting said...

Its interesting that these scenes are simple snapshots from most of our lives...its just that we seem to appreciate it more when its someone else's script..and forget these moments so easily when its ours...

The Arbit Council said...

keeping aside the fact that i came up with a different ending (hey everybody did, didn't they!), i kinda like the ..hmm...script? no scene. ya that's what i like. why.. dunno.

Brood Mode said...

cool one. absolutely loved the simplicity of the scene

gulnaz said...

mmmm....romance soft as the sea breeze!! a finely etched scene. the camera is like a narrator. screenplay is something you should give serious thought to. just one thing though it seems to have ended abruptly, i mean the camera should have lingered a moment more, catching their movements, establishing intimacy. just my opinion...would have sort of added to it.

vAgue said...


[possibly a little hard to orchestrate (shoot), but still...:)]

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

if only ppl realised the value of simplicity !!!!!

Teleute said...

very sweet.

. : A : . said...

Paul - Yes most definitely!

Samudraa - Elaborate?

Ram - Alternate cuts for sure.

AmitKen, Anne, Itineranting, The Arbit Council, Brood Mode, teleute - Thanks. Glad you could relate.

manu - Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

Ash - :-)

patrix - I promise not to!

mermaid - Sometimes, people go too soon to a therapist. :-)

Phal - Not at all. ;-)

gulnaz - Your preference. I wouldn't do that though in this scene, it'll become too much. I prefer to leave it to the imagination. Thanks for the suggestion.

vAgue - That is half the fun of it!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ - If only!

jaded said...

leaving things to the imagination is the way to go...
so much sweeter and more delicate then...sweet scene..

finnegan said...

i wish my arguments would end so easily. i'd still be ping-ponging betweent the laptop and tv.

Anonymous said...

came here by accident
had to leave a comment
wondering if these scenes are how you would like to arrange your life
or how it is already arranged
or if they have nothing to do with it
o and ofcourse maybe you would have to say 'tilt' instaed of pan for a few shots..right?

Anonymous said...

to clarify further i dint mean the tilts in this scence but in few of the others

Extempore said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Extempore said...

August, did you hear Mad about You (Sting and the Police) play when the whole scene was unfolding?

I did. :)

small squirrel said...

I love little tiffs like this, that are more tease than anger....

oh to be in the same room with my loved one.... *sigh*

these moments are what keep the spark, nah?

Samudraa said...

What is it that i can elaborate? Reading this leaves a smile on my i need say more?

transience said...

but what beautiful cliches. i adored this.

J said...

A, dont do this to me!!! ;)

gulnaz said...

hey i don't mean to criticise. imagination is fun all right! i didnt mean something very overt, had more subtle gestures in mind. :)

Rahul said...

Simple yet effective.

And the ending....Beautiful as ever.

paddy said...

well... alls well that ends well..
and this ends really well

livinghigh said...

mmmm...chocolates, anyone? they're heart shaped, too! ;-)

. : A : . said...

jaded - Agree. Glad you liked it.

finnegan - :-)

Anonymous - Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Actually, sometimes what you write has a bit of all three in it. Not sure if I understood the tilt vs. pan thing. I am sure I said pan where I wanted to say pan. any specific part of the previous scenes you were talking about?

Extempore - No I didn't. But I am now. :-)

small squirrel - Yes they do.

Samudraa - Not at all. That was elaboration enough.

transience, Rahul, paddy - Thanks.

J - Do what? ;-)

gulnaz - I know. I'll leave the subtle gestures to the actors for now. ;-)

livinghigh - Okay, send them over.

musafir said...

'Read' the scene over and over till I could picture the 'turns' the conversation took.

Like the way you've left the colours out of this scene (unlike in the earlier scene) and let the words and the emotions paint the picture.


100hands said...

Another man moved by sleight of hand, then?

Pecos Blue said...

If only. I agree. I wish we all could put things down and make each other more of a priority. Flexibility is the key, no?

>|' ; '| said...

hows the serial gona end..its hard for control freaks like me to know that this continues on :)

Geetanjali said...

Cliche epitomised eh? But then come to think of it, even if she ended up storming out and they got divorced...that would also be a cliche in this era. Think I prefer this sugar-coated version...suits my romantic notions:-)

luz de la luna said...

I was wondering where it was going to lead and then finally you get to the "awww" :-D I liked the end where they are framed in the window.

- Martin

. : A : . said...

musafir, luz de la luna - Thanks. Glad you liked it.

100hands - Probably. Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

Pecos Blue - It sure is.

The Impostor - The ending (at least for now) was scene 42. Now, it is being written backwards.

Geetanjali - That would not be a cliché! At least not in this story. ;-)

Anil said...

i love these cinematic moments of take me to a different world with these little intimate scenes...all I can say is bravo!

. : A : . said...

Anil - Thanks, am glad you enjoy them!

J said...

killin me softly

. : A : . said...

J - :-)

yvaine said...

Oh my, so beautiful once again. You've made such an ordinary evening between two people so magically real.

Sudarshan said...


. : A : . said...

yvaine, Sudarshan - Thank you. Glad you liked it.

Anonymous said...

i know this comes in late, but it's so soppy and silly at the same, great blog nevertheless, please don't venture into the filmworld..we are already quite 'soaked'.