Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Frozen facade

What do you see in me? Why do you stare so longingly at this frozen moment?

I am resting. I have traveled many miles to reach this instant. This ordinary moment. Which no one has noticed but you. But I do not think you see it for what it is. For what lies beneath. For what flows beneath. You do not see me because I am just a blur in the background. I am the background. You see me only in the circumstance that I have trapped myself into.

There is a crack where I am held together. Even you have not noticed it. Just a small, tiny, little crack on the surface. It is tearing at the seam, threatening to burst the vein of my salvation open. And mark the end of this endless solitude.

But it won’t. It is held together by the anguish of my forlorn individuality. Which no one sees, but me.

No, not even you.


52 comments:

thoughts said...

have always felt that unless and until u want someone to see the real u, no one will ever be able to do so !!! not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad!

Dhwani said...

Beautifully written... as always..

//And mark the end of this endless solitude.

WOW!!!

Anu said...

Beautiful :-) and the Feel Comes in the Words

amitken said...

Individuality is always lonely.. isn't it supposed to be like that?

feminine expressions said...

i love this. a crack where i am held together. i have been dismissive of my own cracks, regretting them or being embarrassed by them. but you show me now these are my glory, my holding together...

Casablanca said...

You do not see me because I am just a blur in the background. I am the background.

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

mungojerrie said...

"What do you see in me? Why do you stare so longingly at this frozen moment?"

Could the answer be: because it is the 'mirror of her choice'?

you write well. i am just a second or third timer here though. do you do more substantial stuff? fiction? short stories perhaps?

Pecos Blue said...

Let them in. Life is too short and don't let the chance pass by because they cannot see it--help them to see it.

Zofo The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts said...

all it needs is a stray thread to unravel the inner self... the world keeps on pulling on it till the whole tapestry so carefully and painstakingly weaved comes apart at its seam..

very well written
cheers
z

mermaid said...

The way that you describe any given circumstance: what we see, what's really there, what lies beneath the moment, is a phenomenal layer of art, August.

chaos said...

self evaluation...huh!
nicely put across...

Gypsy Girl said...

You take us into closeness, but push away at the last moment into mystery, leaving the reader to want, but waiting until the next time.

Prerona said...

should it bother one, the fact that no one sees the anguish? do we desperately look for this cloak of invisibilty yet suffer by it? do you know why? i have wondered

aquamarine said...

Bin ages since I last heard from u. Even after a decade, one may nevcer understand another completely...

Anamika said...

Why does this sound so familiar...?

J said...

I hate the fact that I can't say 'freeze' when i want to.
Rather, it doesn't work the way I want to. Because, the times when I want time to stop disappear in a blink and the times I dread linger.

Blue Athena said...

I like the playing of the opposites against the other.

Anne said...

Fabulous, this one made my heart ache a bit.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely beautiful. Treasures are difficult to find. :)

Brood Mode said...

"You do not see me because I am just a blur in the background. I am the background."

beauty!! beauty!!

Rohit Talwar said...

You just know how to play with words with ease and elan.

Voice Within said...

very beautiful again...

Aristocrat said...

Hello August, you have been tagged at Whispers of A Blue Moon. Check out more details at Weirdness

Dreamy Eyed Gal said...

wow...a bit intriguing actually...its totally upon us u know to let others know the real person that we r...wonderful work!!!

Inner-Reflections said...

held together by the anguish of my forlorn individuality...
wow

iamnasra said...

Hi there sorry it took me so long. i do not think I have done u justice in this tribute of your work but I hope you will take a time to visit the blog

L I P

Anonymous said...

pretty clever, associating yourself with august. When do we see the book?

Anonymous said...

sorry, my last comment sounded mean. It was intended as a compliment

bert moth said...

This shows a wonderful, delicate balance of individuality. It can hurt to show too much, but it can also hurt to show too little. You expressed it wonderfully.

Lorena said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lorena said...

you are the King of Moments ofr ordinary moments. i love reading your posts. "i am the background" such a strong statement. this whole piece, with so much emotion radiating from it. that is why i love it.

so when are you going to publish??
btw, congrats on the tribute at LIP :)

Billy said...

intense.

illusion said...

Just a small, tiny, little crack on the surface. It is tearing at the seam, threatening to burst the vein of my salvation open. And mark the end of this endless solitude.

very beautiful indeed.

Blueprincesa said...

gorgeous. Nice to see some really good poetry in blogworld.

Anonymous Poet said...

I love the way you capture this subtle little moment.

There is a crack where I am held together. Even you have not noticed it. Just a small, tiny, little crack on the surface. It is tearing at the seam, threatening to burst the vein of my salvation open. And mark the end of this endless solitude.

You have a great talent for capturing the profundity of the "small" moments of life.

sincerelyreader said...

Indeed there is sincerity here, the pulse of you and your readers.

camera shy said...

love your site

very pleasing
visually

the work
is as well

i will
return

shyloh said...

You up for some fun cause you have been tagged.

click here

transience said...

i look and am lost.

GEL said...

I read this piece several nights ago. Emotion overpowered me so much from its impact, no words came to me then. I sat and pondered your work, which often elicits that intense simplistic beauty and pathos on several levels.

Upon return today, I still am blinded by the heavy mantle of internal struggle you so eloquently depict and the profound despair that someone that close to you does not see this. (I relate strongly to that.) I also look at the misty, cloudy, somewhat dismal, yet mysterious background of your blog, always eager to read more of the real you.

Like others, these phrases grabbed me. In fact I feel choked by them and hence in despair not even knowing you.

"You do not see me because I am just a blur in the background. I am the background." (I ache reading how insignificant and/or routine you feel,(at least in this person's presence who is referred to in your prose), with all individuality stripped or invisible.)

"There is a crack where I am held together... And mark the end of this endless solitude."(These sentences rip me apart. I often reflect that no thread will sew up any type of unraveling. It is up to me, which is very lonely.)

"But it won’t. It is held together by the anguish of my forlorn individuality. Which no one sees, but me." Again, as in other works of yours this shows strength from despair, but it seems you want to long to let someone in, to share fully and deeply, to change what has been, the one who does not see."No, not even you."

I usually do not analyze as much as this. Forgive me, if I'm way off base. Your writing pierced my heart (again) and leaves me bleeding.

diosaperdida said...

I like this very much. Soryy..I know I am the worst commenter ever.You are deserving of much more.

kay said...

And i understand the stiffled pain of individuality,that stymies the full bloom.A bare thread,too strong sometimes but still melting in the blizzard of that inner peaceful numb!

HutumpaNcha said...

love your posts.
Read this earlier...and am reading it again

it however feels even more surreal now, now that I am drunk, beautifully, wonderfully drunk....lost in the blur of the moment, trapped yet free to be trapped again

Rare Blue said...

Beauty in the breakdown.

It's a gift, seeing life like this. The detail. Often overlooked as being the ordinary geography of the everyday life.

G.

muse said...

to critique such anguish is impossible, to identify with it is the only natural response i have. beautifully written.

Parvati said...

Always a to and fro movement of concentration and irradiation - focus and contract into oneself and preserve one's individuality, and when the pressure of that action is too much, one helplessly opens oneself to the world, gives of oneself to an other person or others...We cannot say, "No, I will not give of me ever", howsoever large a sense of self-preservation we might have. The very structure of our individuality will want its own salvation (at least you are wise enough to realise that it is a salvation for you to give of your being..)by relating to other individuals

Similarly, a person only interested in this irradiation of himself to others, cannot say "No, I like only to give and give of myself; I won't individualize.."

What will an empty amorphousness give to others, what will a non-individual have inside him to speak of giving anything at all?

So I think both individualizing and giving of the result of that act of concentration spontaneously, anyway will keep happening as a contration and expansion of our selves...

You of course can bar me from commenting from hereon. It has become longer than your dream of a post.

Prmod Bafna said...

Beautiful with oodles of conviction! Great write!

arunima said...

BOY O BOY,
i never thought any one one was a greater afficionado of august aka ogu than me until i came across this blog. great,sir, ur posts.
i wonder if if u ever attempted to see the difference between lonliness and solitude-it is the latter that helps one discover individuality, the former merly helps in self -pity.dont u agree,sir?

Isra-el Ibe said...

Man, as you may be used to that now, your writing is GREATTTTTTTT! well written with wit . So beautiful to "flick through". That's Genius!
keep on writing!
Be infinitely blessed !

Sue hardy-Dawson said...

To look beond and see another as they see them selves, we can only catch an essence perhaps

Cori said...

*sigh*
lovely as always.

atomicvelvetsigh said...

heartbreaking.. and pure.
left me speechless..